Lately I have been working with many clients who come to me feeling very frustrated because they are not able to feel fulfilled in their relationships. They are seeking someone to listen, validate and support them and no matter what they feel this is just not happening. They often question if there is something wrong with them, perhaps they are just not lovable? Their self-doubt runs deep.
Once we begin to explore the other party it becomes evident to me that they are involved with a narcissist. Often this insight is new to them and they have been victim to the narcissist reinforcing their own insecurities that they are “the problem”; leaving them to not trust their own judgement and reality. It is a very frightening and painful experience to endure. It often takes a lot of retraining of the brain to help these victims come to understand their own value and stop allowing the manipulative untruths to hold power over their self-reflection. Here are some common narcissistic traits to be on the look out for:
everything they do is deniable, they undermine, or project any faults onto you, they accept no wrong doing
they lack empathy, show no regard for your feelings
require excessive admiration- having a grandiose sense of self
sense of unconditional entitlement, the world should orbit around them
they make you look crazy, have a warped sense of reality
very exploitive, seek to take advantage of you for their own personal gain
If any of the above rings true it is important to seek support on how to cope with such a person if they are part of your life. Firstly, it is imperative you learn to stop blaming yourself and accepting the distorted reality that has been presented to you. You must work on deciding if you will continue this relationship and if so how to manage the relationship as well as understand how you found yourself there in the first place. Certainly, in time you can feel whole and be at peace again.